Limericks & Haikus at the Squeeze-In

Warning: Parts of this webpage are rated NG-17

The Limerick and Haiku Contest

Lynn responding to a LImerick heckler
Lynn (the M.C.) responding to a Limerick heckler

Between every musical act/presentation/etc. at the Saturday night Cabaret, one or more of these charming verse forms submitted by you, the squeezers of NESI, are read by the M.C.  Alas, last year's literary event was, well, sort of pathetic. Of course, they sounded much better in the delirium of the Cabaret Night.
Anyway, we need more entries this year! Think about it and even write some out legibly before you come. Free-reed players have been shown to be the most intelligent, most creative, wittiest people among the general adult population (Psychology Someday Magazine, August 1932). Prove it! Your entry needs to conform to standard limerick or haiku structure (syllables of 5-7-5), and it must refer to free reeds in some way. The rest is up to you!   In the future, the winning and runner-up in each category will be posted on the NESI website, so you may be immurtlelized (or something).  There will be a tired old (and retired) concertina at NESI with a slot in one end to receive your offerings.  This year, the grand prize is a 3" tall replica of the Winged Victory of Samothrace playing a Bandoneon cast in gen-u-wine artificial imitation Polly's ester. As they say, you must be present to win, and you must submit your deathless verse by 3PM on Saturday...

Limericks:

Some past high-scoring ones:

A lady who plays a Chemnitzer
Just cannot find one that fits her. 
On the pull it's okay
But I'm sorry to say
That the push -- well, it nearly de-tits her.
I wonder if this is a joke – 
I can't play klezmer, Cajun, or folk! 
All the tunes from my box 
Sound like Johann S. Bach's – 
 I think that the darn thing's baroque!

Now that's fine and all, but how does the novice limeriker get started?  Here are two simple, somewhat lazy ways:,

Take a classic limerick, such as this one...............and change it to be about free-reeds:
There was a young man from Kildare,
Who was boffing his girl on the stairs,
The banister broke,
But he doubled his stroke
And finished her off in mid-air

There was a young man from Kildare
On the stairs, playing air after air
Well, the banister broke,
So he doubled his stroke
And finished the tune in mid-air
Alas, it's clean

OR
                                        Take a joke                                                                   and make it into a limerick:
Man goes into a 7-11 in a bad part of town,
carefully locks up his car
to safeguard his accordion.
He comes out to find his windows smashed
and THREE accordions in the car

A man going into a 7-11
Locked his truck with accordions seven
On return, windows smashed
He saw, quite gob-smacked,
Accordions eleventy-leven

Haikus:

You don't have to follow strict haiku structure, rather we should accept atmospheric free-form poetry under that heading...kinda-sorta, 'cuz we're a loose bunch anyway...but it must be spare and elegant.  The judges decisions are final as to just what spare and elegant is and anyway, they are in a secure undisclosed location.  According to dailyhaiku.com, the formal 5-7-5 structure is considered old-fashioned and rigid. They say, There is some debate as to the definition of haiku and its "proper" form. The best and most concise definition seems to be: Haiku is a minimalist form of unrhymed poetry consisting of seventeen syllables or less.

 Last year Lynn won with a pair of what must be one of the sparest, most elegant haikus ever. 
Haiku Chromatique
in out in out
in out in out
Haiku Diatonique
in out in out
in out out in
I think you'll agree it has a certain minimalist charm...

We and the Cabaret audience look forward to your literary effusion (or something)